207.0

I'm barely eating.  I had two packs of tuna and an apple yesterday - how on earth am I not losing anything?

204.0 this morning.

My waist looks thinner but my new pants are still tight.  

I'm stressed.  I spend most of my time cleaning up after my kids and the rest of the time upset about the messes and screaming.

It keeps going up

207.5 tonight.

I stopped eating "crap" three days ago.  I am ravenous right now, but I'm avoiding the urge to break into the junk food I bought earlier or eat the rest of the pizza I bought for my kids.

I was hoping to lose weight before going to Japan.  At this point, I don't even think I'll be close to the starting weight from last time I saw him.  I have to lose over 20 pounds just to get to the heavy weight I was last time we met.

I bought clothes about one month ago.  The pants are getting tighter.

WTF!

I stepped on the scale at 204.5 today.

I went to WI for a friend's wedding, caught up on school, and prepared for a hurricane.  I didn't get to the gym much during that time.  Somehow, during the past 3 weeks, I put on 10 pounds.  My weight is up over 20 pounds from my trip to Korea in July/August only 2 months ago.  The number just keeps climbing.  By the time I get to Japan in another 7 weeks, I could be up another 20 pounds at 225.  I'm ballooning like crazy right now.

I have a hard time getting past day three.  I can usually make it through one or two days, but getting to three is a challenge.  Past three days is impossible.

Sleep:  6 hours of very poor sleep - woke up several times during the night after nightmares about my ex and Lorin Ray.

I'm very groggy and drained.  

Fluctuations

I know there's no way I lost 4.5 pounds in the last 2 days, but when I stepped on the scale this morning, it said 195.5.  I know it doesn't really mean anything, but it felt nice seeing a "1" back in the hundreds place.

On a positive note, I've made it to the gym every day since I joined.  It's only been two days but it's two days more than I went before and 660+ calories I wouldn't have burned.  And I've started eating - mostly healthy food.  I'm trying to go relatively gluten free.  

I also stopped at Lush for skin care.  Hopefully between the diet, exercise, and skincare, my dark, puffy eyes and acne will resolve.

Motivators:

1.  Kendall loves the day care

2.  It's 30+ min of quiet time

3.  If Doug pays for it, I don't want to waste it

4.  I want to look good for Doug when I see him

5.  I need to be healthy

Sleep:  8 hours

Max heart rate (220-age) = 186
High Intensity 80-90% MHR = 158 - 167

=============================================

CARDIO:  28+5 on AMT, burned 320 kcal, avg HR 166, highest HR 199

STRENGTH:  none

FLEXIBILITY


=============================================


AM SNACK:  chocolate covered strawberry

BREAKFAST:   Starbucks venti salted caramel mocha, 20oz water

LUNCH: ropa vieja

SNACK:   mozarella w/ tomatoes and basil, grapes

DINNER:  ground beef, beans, cheese 20oz water


=============================================

Physical:  acne getting worse, headache (am only)

Good mood but easily irritated.  Feeling better than I have lately.  Brain is still a little foggy.  I was tired when I woke up and it took a while to get going but I didn't feel drugged or need a nap during the day - I'm sure that's partly because of the coffee I had earlier.  

Action Phase - Day 1

I went to the gym today and was overwhelmed by the number of thin women there working out; I was the fattest one there.

I used the Precor Adaptive Motion Trainer (AMT) because it simulates running without the impact.  I selected the weight loss option and it set me up at 28 minutes on a level 1-4.  My legs were burning and I was breathing heavy at the 30 second mark - how embarrassing!  My hear range stayed in the 170s-190s - well over my target heart rate and max heart rate.  But I made it all 28 minutes plus a 5 minute cool down and in the end, I burned 340 kcals.

I also used the Concept 2 rower to row 500 meters, the Gravitron to do 3 sets of dips/pull-ups with 150 pounds of assistance, and the chest press at 45 pounds.  It's amazing how weak my body became the past two years.

Sleep:  7 hours

Max heart rate (220-age) = 186
High Intensity 80-90% MHR = 158 - 167

=============================================

CARDIO:  28+5 on AMT, 3 min rower

STRENGTH:  pullups, dips, press

FLEXIBILITY


=============================================

AM SNACK:  honeycrisp apple - yum!   24oz water

BREAKFAST:   3 eggs, grapes

LUNCH: skipped - napping

SNACK:   frozen grapes, 16oz water

DINNER:  rope vieja, cilantro lime rice, 16oz water


=============================================

Physical:  acne, headache (worse today), fatigue (napped 1-4)

Good mood but so exhausted I feel drugged and the headache is horrible.  But I stood on the scale before bed and I saw a digit in the hundreds place I'd never seen before.  200.0 pounds.  I'm feeling a little deflated and scared.  Every time I diet/exercise I end up gaining weight.  I'm scared I will balloon up again.  How on earth have I gained so much!

Preparation Stage of Change

I'm in the Preparation stage of change, transitioning into Action.

My husband told me I looked like I was gaining weight, my newest fat pants (size 16 are tight), and I'm getting winded after the slightest activity.  I'm not healthy.

It was scary but I finally stood on the scale and took my measuring tape out.  I knew I was fat, but I had no idea just how bad I'd become.

Weight:  199.5
BMI:  34.2 (obese)
Waist:  44 inches
Hips:  48 inches
Thigh:  25 inches (I remember when my waist was smaller than this!)

My BMI of 34.2 has me at moderate obesity.  Only four more pounds would put me at severe obesity.  I need to lose 25 pounds just to be considered overweight.  And I need to lose 54 pounds to be considered a healthy weight (but at the upper limit).  Ideally, I should lose about 75 pounds.

I need to make the following changes

1.  Be active - 30-60 minutes of moderate intensity cardio 4-6 days per week plus resistance training 2-3 days per week; starting with low to moderate intensity intervals until I can get my stamina up.  Include AMT, Zumba, walking, and cycling.  Also incorporate flexibility training - try YRG for flexibility and muscular improvements.

2.  Eat healthy - eat things made in nature, try to eliminate processed food.

3.  Drink water - stop the sodas and switch to water.

4.  Sleep - in bed by 11pm, at least 6 hours, preferably 8 hours of sleep

5.  Reduce stress

These are basic changes.  I'm not going to stay up and write out long term and short term goals right now.  But I do need to change.

1.  I signed up at Big Vanilla.  It's probably the most expensive gym around here, especially at $20/kid/mo for childcare but it's close and right next to my school.

2.  I ordered the Yoga for Real Guys (DDP Yoga) DVDs to do at home.

3.  I stopped buying mountain dew and junk food and I'm drinking water.

4.  And I'm in bed now, ready for an 11:30pm bedtime.  Still later than I want, but better than nothing.

I didn't do a lot today.

3 sets of 5 - pull ups, dips, (assisted at level 20) and push ups.  Sadly, these went to failure - 5 wasn't just an arbitrary number.  I had the maximum assistance and I could barely do 5 of each exercise.

How I feel:  moody, irritable, tired, lazy, poor concentration, overwhelmed - but still happy overall.

Physical:  headaches, breaking out like crazy, bloated, skin rash, cough, winded easily, heart pounding

Cravings:  mozarella cheese balls with italian seasoning, olive oil, and tomatoes

How did I get so fat?

I remember thinking I was fat when I was a size 8 at 135 pounds.  In August 2009, I was 150 pounds and in a size 12.  By August 2010, I was up to 185, 35 pounds in a year!  August 2011 I was 190 and August 2012 I was 195.  I fear that by this time next year, I will be well over 200 pounds.

During the time of greatest gain, I was in the military and was required to exercise five days per week.  I was also a fitness instructor.  So how did I balloon up 45 pounds in 3 years?

I've tried exercising and watching what I eat, but every time I do, the weight gain accelerates.

I had the Mirena IUD inserted Feb 2010.  Could this be the cause?